Breaking the Cycle: Finding Calm in Motherhood
Hey Mama,
Can we just be real for a hot minute? Motherhood is beautiful and messy and absolutely nothing like I thought it would be. Sure, there are those Instagram-worthy moments with perfect breakfast spreads and angelic children, but let's talk about the other stuff. The moments when you catch yourself yelling and think, "Oh crap, I sounded just like my mom."
Yeah. That's where I live sometimes.
When Your Pase Shows Up Uninvited
So here's my truth: I had a pretty awful childhood. Like, really awful. I'm talking belt beatings, getting slapped across the face, hair pulling... the whole terrible package. My parents would literally leave us kids in the car for hours while they gambled. I was basically an unpaid housekeeper, cleaning that disaster of a house and doing laundry for everyone.
Fun times, right? (That's sarcasm, in case you missed it.)
Now I have this incredible 3.5-year-old daughter who is basically a tiny tornado of emotions and opinions, and guess what? My childhood trauma didn't magically disappear the moment she was born. Shocking, I know.
There are days when she's having a meltdown about the "wrong" cup or refusing to put on shoes, and I feel that familiar heat rising in my chest. That same rage I saw growing up starts bubbling up, and for a split second, I feel like it could show its ugly face.
But here's the thing (and this is important): I feel it happening. I recognize that feeling now. And that's where everything changes.
Living with a Tiny Human Hurricane
Let me paint you a picture of life with a threenager, because if you're here reading this, you probably know the struggle:
Breakfast Drama: She throws her cup. Again. My first instinct? Get mad and lecture about respect. What I actually do now? "Cups aren't for throwing. Looks like you're done." Cup goes away. Sometimes I let her eat graham crackers for breakfast because, honestly, pick your battles.
The "No" Olympics: Everything is "NO!" Getting dressed? No. Brushing teeth? No. Breathing? Probably no. Instead of turning it into a power struggle (which I lose 90% of the time anyway), I try stuff like, "I hear you saying no. Shoes still need to go on. Want to hop to them or march?"
Meltdown Central: When she's screaming, kicking, and completely losing her mind, every fiber of my being wants to yell "STOP IT!" But you know what actually helps? Getting down on her level and saying quietly, "You're so mad right now. I'm going to keep you safe." Then I just... wait. It's hard, but it works better than anything else I've tried.
The key thing I'm learning? She's not giving me a hard time... she's having a hard time. Her little brain literally can't handle big emotions yet. Mine's still figuring it out too, honestly.
My Secret Weapon: Crafting (aka Cheaper Than Therapy)
Okay, this might sound weird, but crafting has basically saved my sanity. When I'm about to lose it, I grab my ipad and start designing laser files. Something about keeping my hands busy while my brain processes emotions just works for me.
It's like my own personal timeout corner, except I'm actually productive instead of just hiding in the bathroom scrolling my phone. (Though let's be real, I do that too sometimes….so does Dad)
Find your thing, mama. Maybe it's not crafting... maybe it's running, or gardening, or even just coloring in one of those adult coloring books. You need something that's just yours, something that helps you reset when the mom life gets overwhelming.
Teaching What I'm Still Learning
Here's what's wild: I'm trying to teach my daughter emotional regulation when I'm still figuring it out myself. Talk about feeling like a fraud, right?
But then I realized something. She doesn't need me to be perfect. She needs me to be real. So when I mess up (and I do, a lot), I own it: "Mommy got really frustrated and my voice got loud. That wasn't okay. I'm sorry and I love you." Then I show her what I should have done instead.
Is it awkward admitting to a 3-year-old that you screwed up? Absolutely. But you know what? She's learning that people make mistakes, feelings are normal, and we can always try again. That's actually pretty powerful stuff.
The Real Talk
Breaking generational cycles is hard work. Like, really hard. There are days when I feel like I'm nailing this whole parenting thing, and then there are days when I hide in the pantry eating goldfish crackers (Aldi version, of course) and questioning all my life choices.
Both are okay.
You don't have to be perfect. You just have to be willing to keep trying, keep learning, and keep showing up for your kids (and yourself) even when it's messy.
The fact that you're even thinking about this stuff, that you're trying to do better than what you had... that matters. That's already breaking the cycle.
When I Need More Than I Have to Give
Let's be honest, some days I reach the end of myself. Like, completely empty. That's when I remember I wasn't meant to do this alone. My faith has become my lifeline in those moments when parenting feels impossible and I'm about to lose it.
Here are some verses I keep on my phone (and sometimes say aloud while my daughter is having a meltdown):
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak." (Isaiah 40:29) This one hits different at 6 AM when you're already tired and she's refusing to get dressed. God's got strength for us when we're running on empty.
"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love." (Ephesians 4:2) I literally have this taped to my bathroom mirror. Patience with a threenager? That's supernatural power right there.
"In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." (Ephesians 4:26) This reminds me that feeling angry is normal... it's what I do with it that matters. And that I need to deal with my stuff before bedtime, not carry it into tomorrow.
"Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." (Proverbs 22:6) On days when I feel like I'm failing, this reminds me that I'm planting seeds, even when I can't see the growth.
Prayers for Those Hard Moments
When she's screaming and I'm about to lose it: "God, I need Your peace right now. Help me be the calm she needs. Give me Your patience when mine is gone."
When I've messed up (again): "Lord, I blew it. Help me make this right with her and show me how to do better next time. Thank You that Your mercies are new every morning."
When I'm triggered by my own past: "Jesus, You know what I went through. Help me not pass that pain to her. Heal what's broken in me so I can love her better."
Before bed (especially on rough days): "Thank You, God, for this little girl. Help me see her through Your eyes tomorrow. Refresh my spirit while I sleep and give me a fresh start in the morning."
A Book That’s Helping Me Too
One resource that’s really encouraged me in this journey is the book Keep It Shut by Karen Ehman. It’s all about learning when to speak, when to stay silent, and how to use our words to build up instead of tear down. As a mom, I’ve found it incredibly practical — especially on the days when my patience is thin and my tone isn’t what I want it to be. Karen’s writing is honest, relatable, and full of biblical wisdom, making it a perfect companion for any mom who’s trying to parent with more calm and grace.
You've Got This (No, Really)
I'm not going to lie and tell you it gets easier. Some days still suck. Some days I still lose my cool. But overall? We're both learning together, my daughter and me. We're figuring out this whole emotional regulation thing as a team... with God's help.
And that's actually kind of beautiful.
So give yourself some grace, mama. You're doing something incredibly brave! You're choosing to parent differently than you were parented. That takes guts. And even on your worst days, you're still your child's whole world, and God's beloved daughter too.
You've got everything you need to break those cycles. I promise.
Real talk and disclaimer: I'm just a mom figuring it out as I go, not a therapist or doctor. If you're really struggling, please reach out to a professional who can give you the support you deserve.
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